"Planet Meow" is my hard-hitting sociopolitical analysis of intergalactic diplomacy… disguised as a kawaii space-cat anthem. I meant to write an emotional ballad about existential dread. Instead, I got a musical record of my descent into full-blown cat-induced brainwashing.

This song isn’t about cute aliens. It’s about the terrifying power of fluff. About how humans—tired of bills, buses, and burnout—would gladly surrender to a civilization that offers nothing but head boops, belly flops, and well-timed meows. Who needs rights when you have a space hat with ears?

Lines like “Whisker-navigation through the galactic sea” may sound whimsical, but they’re really about how easy it is to follow anything that purrs. That so-called “freedom of thought” you’re so proud of? Yeah, it lasted exactly three seconds after they rolled over and showed you the belly.

This song is for everyone who pretends to be emotionally self-sufficient but would move to another planet in a heartbeat if a cat looked at them with affection. And if by the end of the chorus you’re already considering renouncing your Earth citizenship to become a live-in snack dispenser for feline overlords?

Congratulations. You’ve evolved. Into a pet.