Dungeon Tax
Medieval Folk Rap Comedy, Playful lute, tambourine, and wooden flute layered with modern hip-hop beat and upright bass, Rhythmic hand claps and tavern ambience, Vocals delivered in pompous mock-formal tone with theatrical flair, alternating between rap cadence and bard-like storytelling
Dungeon Tax
Medieval Folk Rap Comedy, Playful lute, tambourine, and wooden flute layered with modern hip-hop beat and upright bass, Rhythmic hand claps and tavern ambience, Vocals delivered in pompous mock-formal tone with theatrical flair, alternating between rap cadence and bard-like storytelling
Lyrics
Intro – slow hurdy-gurdy swell + echo
Hear ye
Hear ye
Bring your coins
And your dignity
Verse 1 – fast flow over crunchy 808s + lute riff
Woke up in hay, helmet crooked as sin
Squire banging the door like “Tax time begin”
I ain’t got a castle, just splinters and fleas
One angry goat who’s plotting against me
King wants ten sacks of my questionable stew
Made of yesterday’s bread and whatever I chew
They tax the boots, tax the spoon, tax the broom
Tax my shadow when it stretches ‘cross the room
Tax the ale (mostly piss with some foam)
Tax my breath — oxygen ain’t free in this dome
Chorus – gang shouts + heavy drop
Dungeon tax, feed the dragon
Clink that sack, keep it draggin’
Broke as hell? Better start braggin’
‘Bout the air you breathe, they’ll tax that too
Dungeon tax, raise your hands high
Great hall madness, we just comply
Pass the basket, don’t ask why
Pray the beast don’t audit your life
Verse 2 – double-time, trap hats + hurdy-gurdy chop
Roll to court drippin’ rust-chain, still got swag
Clerk with the ledger like “You owe half the flag”
I’m like “Goblins stole my crops, bandits took the rest
Plague hit the village, famine did the rest
Witch cursed my well, now the water tastes like regret”
He’s like “Cool story… treasury’s in debt”
Charge for quests, charge for rest
Charge if your boots leave prints on the crest
Charge if you sneeze, charge if you fart
Charge if your goat even glances at the royal chart
Loot one chest? Owe three plus vig
Medieval interest — that’s how they rig
One coin left, resentment on max
My half-decent laugh is the only tax hack
Pre-Chorus – gang shouts
Peasants in pews: “Discount, please?”
Royal guard: “Nah, pay the fees”
Peasants again: “We’re starvin’, my lord!”
Guard: “Starve quieter, pay the hoard”
Verse 3 – slower, menacing bass + lute scratches
Tried to barter my goat for a pardon slip
Goat bit the bailiff, now I’m in deeper shit
They tax the bite, tax the blood on the floor
Tax the apology I never swore
Tried to hide one coin in the straw mattress seam
Dragon smelled it from a mile upstream
Burned my roof, left a note in the ash
“Thanks for the tip, peasant trash”
Now every morning I wake up taxed twice
Once for existing, once for being nice
Bridge – whispered → low growl → build
Clap on one, stomp on two
Laugh so we don’t cry over what’s due
If the king wants more, let the king come through
Meet my goat — horns sharpened for you (hey!)
One headbutt, crown rolls like a wheel
Revolution? Nah… just a bad deal
Final Chorus – double-time chaos drop
Dungeon tax, pay the dragon
Clink that sack, keep it draggin’
Broke? Brag ‘bout the air you’re draggin’
They’ll tax your soul next, that’s the pattern
Dungeon tax, scream the anthem
Hands up in the great hall tantrum
We don’t revolt, we just hand ‘em
Pray the dragon don’t balance the fandom
Dungeon tax, last call tonight
Empty pockets, still feelin’ alright
One more verse and the tavern ignites
Hear ye, hear ye… goodnight!
Outro – lute detune + echo
Coins? Gone.
Dignity? Smoked.
Goat says “fuck taxes”.
We out.