[Verse]
His soft spot was the ice cream shop
And there they kissed so much they got sore
He went down on his knee in the car park
The ring was wrapped in tinfoil

[Verse 2]
"That's my mum
" she said with dread
"How does she always know where I am?"
She had a nose like a bloodhound
And a bone to pick with her daughter

[Chorus]
And she said
"You
You
You
You stupid girl
You can't marry him
What will the neighbours say?"

[Verse 3]
There was nothing wrong with him
He was kind and a gentleman
But he wore socks and sandals
And sandals and socks

[Bridge]
And they came to the conclusion
That she was in collusion
With the Daily Mail
Which
For non-Brits
Is a tabloid piece of s***

[Verse 4]
And the neighbours they will find out
'Cause the mother has a big mouth
So they called the wedding off
And they moved up north