Verse 1

Well I bought a dusty tape at a yard sale stand,

Said “Romance Classics” scribbled on the can.

But when I hit play, Lord, it came alive,

With a mullet, cowboy boots, and a neon high-five!

Chorus

🎵 My VHS stole my boyfriend’s heart,

Took him line-dancin’ at the trailer park.

They’re watchin’ Dirty Dancing in a shag-carpet haze,

While I’m cryin’ in the corner yellin’ “PLEASE REWIND, PLEASE!” 🎵

Verse 2

Now the sheriff tried to stop ’em with a DVD,

But the tape just screamed, “You ain’t no match for me!”

The Betamax boys rolled in with pie,

But my boyfriend left ridin’ on that VHS high!

Chorus

🎵 Yeah my VHS stole my boyfriend whole,

They’re honeymoonin’ down at the video store.

Now the cows are watchin’ Grease on the porch,

While my ex and a tape light spar with torches! 🎵

Bridge

Grandma’s on the roof with a popcorn gun,

Shootin’ butter at the moon just for good fun.

And my dog hit record on the whole dang mess,

Now he’s sellin’ bootlegs wearin’ Grandma’s dress!

Final Chorus (LOUD, BANJO GOES WILD)

🎵 Oh my VHS stole my man away,

Now he’s wearin’ spandex in a Broadway play.

If you see a tape dancin’ in rhinestone jeans—

Tell him I want back my truck and my baked beans! 🎵

Outro (spoken, with tape eject sound FX + fiddle squeal)

“Dagnabbit… lost my boyfriend to a plastic rectangle again!” 📼💔😂