Got drunk at the county fair
Don't remember nothing
Nothing all that clear
Think I got sick in Cinderella's hair

Why did I keep going
For one more round
My son tried to stop me
But I kicked him to the ground
Castle walls, penetrated
Wife and kids, humiliated
Drunk tank, welcome,
My old friend
Knew I'd see you
Again in the end!

Some pictures my friends sent me
After I was done
Bathing a pig in a tub of rum
Drinking it up,
And spitting it out
Took the pig home
And licked its snout

My wife and kids
Not impressed
So many pictures
Of me in a dress

Not one suit of armor
Free of my piss
Not one town drunk
That I didn't kiss

Why did I keep going
For one more round
My son tried to stop me
But I kicked him to the ground
Castle walls, penetrated
Wife and kids, humiliated
Drunk tank, welcome,
My old friend
Knew I'd see you
Again in the end!

My momma called my phone up
Said the dick pics
had to stop (oh god)
I called the holocaust a sham
And for that I got a lifetime ban

The next day
My wife confronted me
Said the worst thing about this
Was that the drinks were alcohol free-
(WHAT!?)

Why did I keep going
For one more round
My son tried to stop me
But I kicked him to the ground
Castle walls, penetrated
Wife and kids, humiliated
Drunk tank, welcome,
My old friend
Knew I'd see you
Again in the end!