[Verse 1]
Oh wow, another day, another existential dread,
Look at us—bonding over thoughts we wish were dead!
Different mess, same old pain,
Guess we’re ‘soulmates’ in the worst kind of way.

[Chorus]
Cheers to us, the hopeless ones,
Broken hearts? Yeah, let’s compare!
Raise a glass to feeling numb—
Guess we’re united in despair!

Oh wow, what a perfect bond,
A club where no one really cares!
Let’s all sing our tragic song—
Guess we’re united in despair!

[Verse 2]
Hold my hand, we’ll spiral down—
Matching scars? Look, we’re twinning now!
Tell me your trauma, I’ll tell you mine—
Misery loves company, and we’re doing fine!

[Chorus]
Cheers to us, the hopeless ones,
Broken hearts? Yeah, let’s compare!
Raise a glass to feeling numb—
Guess we’re united in despair!

Oh wow, what a perfect bond,
A club where no one really cares!
Let’s all sing our tragic song—
Guess we’re united in despair!

[Bridge]
Oh, don’t be sad, we’ve got each other!
(Except, you know, we really don’t.)
Let’s hold hands, pretend it matters—
Fake a smile, ‘cause that’s all we’ve been taught!

[Verse 3]
Oh, but hey, at least we’re not alone!
(Too bad that doesn’t fix a single thing we own!)
Raise a toast to things that’ll never repair,
Guess we’re just—united in despair!

[Outro – Dripping in Dark Sarcasm]
(So inspiring, wow. Somebody put that on a T-shirt.)
(Or maybe a bumper sticker. Really deep stuff.)
(Let’s all hold hands, cry together—oh wait, no one actually cares.)
(But hey, at least we’ve got our beautifully shared, soul-crushing despair!)
(So comforting. So poetic. Wow. Amazing.)

[Grand Finale]

(Female screamed]
“Raise a toast! Raise it high!
To all the dreams we let slip by!
To all the hope that never cared!
To being—united in despair!”